My thoughts for this Valentines Day, a day that I’ll readily admit is heavily commercialized and exploited by card, candy and jewelry companies all over the U.S. and beyond, this day that leaves men terrified they’ll screw up and women terrified they will always be unloved…This day that leaves men feeling inadequate and women disappointed. This day that can make even the happiest, most fulfilled of us feel lonely (if we are to let it get the best of us).

Our defense mechanisms prompt and prod us to proclaim to the world how we hate this day, how this day is stupid and pointless and only here to make some evil scrooge-type man in an office at the top of a tall expensive building lots of money while he laughs at all of the foolish, emotional saps buying into this day (figuratively and literally). But really, for the most of us, we just want to be with people who make us feel special, people who understand us and put up with our “unique” habits with a laugh and a roll of the eyes that says, “You drive me crazy, but I like it.” It's not about this day in particular, it's about what this day represents in our lives for the rest of the 364 days of a year.

As girls (in an assumed heterosexual relationship) we want to feel special and to know that no matter how much hotter or younger or more charming and adorable that other girl is, there is something about us that drives our significant other to love us unconditionally and feel that we are special and irreplaceable regardless of someone else’s flirtatious giggle and strategically placed hand on your arm, bigger boobs, or perfect hair. For guys, if I knew for sure I’d bottle it, copyright it and be a bazillionaire, but if I were to guess what guys want I’d say they just want a girl who won’t nag them, won’t pressure them to throw out their lucky shirt from college, a girl they can trust won’t tell their friends that they secretly like pedicures, someone they can laugh with and who can dress up and look sexy or hang on the couch and have just as much fun, and probably most importantly, a girl who’s genuinely as excited as they are for “special time”…but that’s just my guess. I believe the same would be true on many levels in homosexual relationships and platonic friendships as well. Ultimately we all just want to find a place to fit in and be loved.

I’ve spent the last few years alone on Valentines Day…and while in the moment it felt a little disappointing and sometimes anti-climactic (as the cheesiest, most “hopeful romantic” I always believed something was just around the next corner) but looking back I have made some great memories on this dreaded day. One year was spent indulging in chick flicks, ice-cream and crying my heart out (this is sometimes cathartic and just what we need), one year a party with all my single friends, and one year a last minute get a way to Palm Springs with a close friend. I think I spent so much time focused on what I did not have, that I might have been forgetting to focus on what I did. I had a beautiful and loving family, I had great friends who were and are sweet, supportive, crazy, adoring and always entertaining. I had my mind, and the freedom to use it as I chose, and the same for my body for that matter. While sometimes I lived on rice and beans, or leftovers that were a bit too old, I never actually “went-hungry” and always had somewhere to call home.

My point in all of this is that yes, Hallmark probably makes WAY too much money on this day…but we don’t have to buy those cards. What we do have to do, or what we should do rather, is use this day as a reminder to appreciate the special people who have graced our lives regardless of the capacity, and hopefully remember to appreciate them just a bit more each day than we did the day before.

This year I feel very fortunate to have friends who I hold dear to my heart and who I can count on thru thick and thin, family that loves and respects me more each day and someone special to share in all of the corny-Valentines day clichés with (much to his patient and good-natured dismay). I don’t know what tomorrow will bring for me in life and I can’t pretend to think that I could guess, but today I am happy and appreciative and full of love for my life. I hope you are too.